"Missing you comes in waves and tonight I'm drowning"
Last night I found myself sitting on a comfy couch, a broken-hearted friend on each arm and Ben Howard playing in the background. I don't know what comforting broken-hearted people did to me, but it made you come back into my head. It made that Monday night repeat in my head. It made the unfinished business rush back into my head. It made all the messages I've been pretending not to care about come back to me. It made me long for your amazing eyelashes, heart-melting looks, covered smiles, false singing and sparkly eyes rush back into my heart like some kind of crowd escaping the disaster of a bomb, and I think I was trying to run away from the I-miss-you-bomb before it exploded inside of me.
The reason we are what we are today is because we indeed are two teenagers looking to be filled but don't indeed know what fills us till we're truly filled. So we tried everything. We tried the dates, we tried the kisses, we tried the cute messages, we tried the couple pictures and we tried the late night phone calls. That did nothing for us, AT ALL. All it did was make us believe that we were filled, so we believed some kind of fantasy that we were in love, but I woke up from the dream we put ourselves in and reality hit one night. It woke me up like that falling feeling in your sleep and it felt like I was shouting in a dream and no one could hear me. I realised that me trying to convince myself that I'm filled when in fact I wasn't was only pushing me further away from figuring out exactly what is going to fill me up one day and I had to come to terms with the fact that it might not exactly be with the person I was 100% sold on.
You caught me at a very vaunrable time. You said all the right things and I can see you meant it. Yes, you might have said everything I've ever been told before but the difference was, I was hearing the poetry from Shakespeare himself and not from some needy english teacher wanting to be Shakespeare. I don't know what it was about you. You made sleepness nights so easy. You made insecurity invisible. You looked at me with such pure eyes as if I had no faults at all but at the same time kissed my scars. We never really fought. We saw it as one another wanting to better the other and it got frustrating because the potential we saw in each other just wasn't been seen by the other.
I've actually run out of ways to convince myself that I don't miss you and that this happened for a reason. that I'm gonna be such a better person when I'm over this.
but I cant face the fact that it's you
it's always going to be you babe
i miss you.
Friday, 25 March 2016
life's is a bitch
have you ever had one of those moment when you're just like "i'm not going to say anything anymore. ever ever ever!!!!!" well, that's basically my life right now.
i'm one of those people who can express their feelings to anyone and then regret it the minute the vicious words pour out of my mouth. yes i know i know everyone has told me "think before you speak" but honestly how can i even do that when you're i'm in the zone of pouring my feelings out. i don't know.. is it just me?
i don't trust anyone. well anymore shall i say. THERE, i said it. yes, it is quite a harsh thing to say but i've had it come back and bitch slap in the face so many times before. where you know the truth about the rumour but you ask the person just to check what they are going to say. and what happens they LIE. LIES LIES LIES!!! fvck i hate them. it's a girl thing, i know. we ask people questions even though we know the answers. but i know i do it because im scared of lies, i feel like an idiot when i believe a lie so what do i do, quadruple check a statement so i don't look like a idiot. ( now that i'm typing this out i realise what a pshyco i actually am)
so you may ask yourself what happens when i let my gaurd down. well... let me tell you a story.
i could be speaking to a guy and all these things he is telling me are just too good i would just want to marry him right there and then well.... i used to believe all those things he told me till we went out one night and he asked me to check something on is phone and i saw it. "Its like that thing called belief reached out the phone and slapped me. he was saying the same thing the to other girls. it was right there infront of my eyes. what a dick.
i'm one of those people who can express their feelings to anyone and then regret it the minute the vicious words pour out of my mouth. yes i know i know everyone has told me "think before you speak" but honestly how can i even do that when you're i'm in the zone of pouring my feelings out. i don't know.. is it just me?
i don't trust anyone. well anymore shall i say. THERE, i said it. yes, it is quite a harsh thing to say but i've had it come back and bitch slap in the face so many times before. where you know the truth about the rumour but you ask the person just to check what they are going to say. and what happens they LIE. LIES LIES LIES!!! fvck i hate them. it's a girl thing, i know. we ask people questions even though we know the answers. but i know i do it because im scared of lies, i feel like an idiot when i believe a lie so what do i do, quadruple check a statement so i don't look like a idiot. ( now that i'm typing this out i realise what a pshyco i actually am)
so you may ask yourself what happens when i let my gaurd down. well... let me tell you a story.
i could be speaking to a guy and all these things he is telling me are just too good i would just want to marry him right there and then well.... i used to believe all those things he told me till we went out one night and he asked me to check something on is phone and i saw it. "Its like that thing called belief reached out the phone and slapped me. he was saying the same thing the to other girls. it was right there infront of my eyes. what a dick.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)