"Missing you comes in waves and tonight I'm drowning"
Last night I found myself sitting on a comfy couch, a broken-hearted friend on each arm and Ben Howard playing in the background. I don't know what comforting broken-hearted people did to me, but it made you come back into my head. It made that Monday night repeat in my head. It made the unfinished business rush back into my head. It made all the messages I've been pretending not to care about come back to me. It made me long for your amazing eyelashes, heart-melting looks, covered smiles, false singing and sparkly eyes rush back into my heart like some kind of crowd escaping the disaster of a bomb, and I think I was trying to run away from the I-miss-you-bomb before it exploded inside of me.
The reason we are what we are today is because we indeed are two teenagers looking to be filled but don't indeed know what fills us till we're truly filled. So we tried everything. We tried the dates, we tried the kisses, we tried the cute messages, we tried the couple pictures and we tried the late night phone calls. That did nothing for us, AT ALL. All it did was make us believe that we were filled, so we believed some kind of fantasy that we were in love, but I woke up from the dream we put ourselves in and reality hit one night. It woke me up like that falling feeling in your sleep and it felt like I was shouting in a dream and no one could hear me. I realised that me trying to convince myself that I'm filled when in fact I wasn't was only pushing me further away from figuring out exactly what is going to fill me up one day and I had to come to terms with the fact that it might not exactly be with the person I was 100% sold on.
You caught me at a very vaunrable time. You said all the right things and I can see you meant it. Yes, you might have said everything I've ever been told before but the difference was, I was hearing the poetry from Shakespeare himself and not from some needy english teacher wanting to be Shakespeare. I don't know what it was about you. You made sleepness nights so easy. You made insecurity invisible. You looked at me with such pure eyes as if I had no faults at all but at the same time kissed my scars. We never really fought. We saw it as one another wanting to better the other and it got frustrating because the potential we saw in each other just wasn't been seen by the other.
I've actually run out of ways to convince myself that I don't miss you and that this happened for a reason. that I'm gonna be such a better person when I'm over this.
but I cant face the fact that it's you
it's always going to be you babe
i miss you.
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